Violetta Stasney LaGrave
February 11, 1919-November 10, 2005
Eulogy for Vi LaGrave - written and delivered by Mike Jacobs, Editor & Publisher - Grand Forks Herald, ND
December 6, 2005, First Presbyterian Church
310 3rd Ave NW Mandan, ND 58554
Pastor Reikow, family and friends of Vi LaGrave. Thank you for allowing me to say a few words about Vi.
I think all of you and everyone who knew Vi LaGrave would agree she was a remarkable woman. This was a first-impression for many of us. Certainly it was the case for me. I met Vi more than forty years ago when I visited my new friend, Chuck, at the LaGrave home in Mandan. I thought the house was a palace and that Vi was a queen. She certainly behaved that way. She served a fabulous meal and I thought, "man, this woman can cook!". Then she brought out a dessert - a kind of fermented fruit pudding and I thought, "man, this woman has class!". After supper, she showed off her collection of elephants, and I thought, "man, this woman is over the top!". And then, at the end of the evening, after we enjoyed a concert of classical music piped throughout the house - an undeniable sign of haute moderne and high culture, she recalled the events of the evening with us and in a small silence, and in a tiny little gap in the conversation - I heard her say "got have it so" and I thought - "My God, this woman is fresh off the boat!".
Of course, it was just this mixture of enthusiasm and excess, of country charm and cultivation that made Vi LaGrave so appealing. We should not imagine that this came naturally to her. She grew up poor. Her father, Mike Stasney, recognized that his boys could provide for themselves from the land, but his only daughter would need a head-start. Alone among the children, she got a high school education and then she learned nursing the old fashioned way at Bismarck Hospital School of Nursing. This provided a launching pad for her career and her character.
Vi LaGrave was no stranger to loneliness. She waited while her husband, Maurice, served in Europe as one of the greatest generation of soldiers who defeated Hitler. When he returned, she worked with him as help-mate, secretary, and bookkeeper in his law office. Maurice died in 1970
Vi was no stranger to hardship. After Maurice's death, she faced the challenge of re-inventing herself as a personality and as a professional in her own light. She was wonderfully successful in doing this, as her life story demonstrates.
Vi was no stranger to compassion. She served as a nurse for forty years. Much of this time she worked at night. Through the long and lonely hours, when the sick and suffering especially needed attention, Vi was there to give it.
Vi was no stranger to public service. She was president of her children's school PTA. She was a board member and chair-person of Dacotah Foundation, which develops mental health and social welfare programs. She was a member of the 43rd Legislative Assembly of the State of North Dakota. This was one of her firsts. She was the first woman from Morton County, elected to the legislature as a - let's not be surprised by this, since we have already met the elephant collection-Republican. Later Vi became the first woman to run for the Morton County commission. Chuck believes that I put her up to this. Certainly I learned something in that campaign - Morton County was not ready for Vi LaGrave.
Like all of us, Vi was proud of her family - and she lived long enough to see her progeny succeed. There are two children, six grandchildren and eighteen great-grandchildren.
Vi was no stranger to family pride and patriotism. This is reflected in her family's choice of her resting place. Maurice and Vi will be united at North Dakota Veterans Cemetery south of Mandan, not far from where Vi grew up.
Son, Larry, had a career in the US Army, retiring as a Colonel. He lives in Phoenix with his wife Ramona. Four of his children have served in the armed forces of the United States. Two of these children are on active duty. One will be returning for his second tour of duty in Iraq.
Son, Chuck, has had an outstanding career as an attorney. His decision, to move to California and to share his life with Lou Kravitz, challenged Vi again. There would be no society wedding, no gubernatorial campaign and no inaugural ball. Vi responded with the inclusiveness that always, and does still, distinguish her. "Be who you are." - she says to each of her family and to us. "Be happy, enjoy what you earn, reflect on your efforts, remember 'Got have it so'".
Let us now celebrate the life of this remarkable woman, Violetta Stasney LaGrave - knowing her has made our lives so much richer, encountering her has made life's passage so much easier for so many whom she helped.
God bless you Vi. Thank you for your life in service, thank you for your family and their contributions, thank you for your enthusiasm and your love.
December 6, 2005, First Presbyterian Church
310 3rd Ave NW Mandan, ND 58554
Pastor Reikow, family and friends of Vi LaGrave. Thank you for allowing me to say a few words about Vi.
I think all of you and everyone who knew Vi LaGrave would agree she was a remarkable woman. This was a first-impression for many of us. Certainly it was the case for me. I met Vi more than forty years ago when I visited my new friend, Chuck, at the LaGrave home in Mandan. I thought the house was a palace and that Vi was a queen. She certainly behaved that way. She served a fabulous meal and I thought, "man, this woman can cook!". Then she brought out a dessert - a kind of fermented fruit pudding and I thought, "man, this woman has class!". After supper, she showed off her collection of elephants, and I thought, "man, this woman is over the top!". And then, at the end of the evening, after we enjoyed a concert of classical music piped throughout the house - an undeniable sign of haute moderne and high culture, she recalled the events of the evening with us and in a small silence, and in a tiny little gap in the conversation - I heard her say "got have it so" and I thought - "My God, this woman is fresh off the boat!".
Of course, it was just this mixture of enthusiasm and excess, of country charm and cultivation that made Vi LaGrave so appealing. We should not imagine that this came naturally to her. She grew up poor. Her father, Mike Stasney, recognized that his boys could provide for themselves from the land, but his only daughter would need a head-start. Alone among the children, she got a high school education and then she learned nursing the old fashioned way at Bismarck Hospital School of Nursing. This provided a launching pad for her career and her character.
Vi LaGrave was no stranger to loneliness. She waited while her husband, Maurice, served in Europe as one of the greatest generation of soldiers who defeated Hitler. When he returned, she worked with him as help-mate, secretary, and bookkeeper in his law office. Maurice died in 1970
Vi was no stranger to hardship. After Maurice's death, she faced the challenge of re-inventing herself as a personality and as a professional in her own light. She was wonderfully successful in doing this, as her life story demonstrates.
Vi was no stranger to compassion. She served as a nurse for forty years. Much of this time she worked at night. Through the long and lonely hours, when the sick and suffering especially needed attention, Vi was there to give it.
Vi was no stranger to public service. She was president of her children's school PTA. She was a board member and chair-person of Dacotah Foundation, which develops mental health and social welfare programs. She was a member of the 43rd Legislative Assembly of the State of North Dakota. This was one of her firsts. She was the first woman from Morton County, elected to the legislature as a - let's not be surprised by this, since we have already met the elephant collection-Republican. Later Vi became the first woman to run for the Morton County commission. Chuck believes that I put her up to this. Certainly I learned something in that campaign - Morton County was not ready for Vi LaGrave.
Like all of us, Vi was proud of her family - and she lived long enough to see her progeny succeed. There are two children, six grandchildren and eighteen great-grandchildren.
Vi was no stranger to family pride and patriotism. This is reflected in her family's choice of her resting place. Maurice and Vi will be united at North Dakota Veterans Cemetery south of Mandan, not far from where Vi grew up.
Son, Larry, had a career in the US Army, retiring as a Colonel. He lives in Phoenix with his wife Ramona. Four of his children have served in the armed forces of the United States. Two of these children are on active duty. One will be returning for his second tour of duty in Iraq.
Son, Chuck, has had an outstanding career as an attorney. His decision, to move to California and to share his life with Lou Kravitz, challenged Vi again. There would be no society wedding, no gubernatorial campaign and no inaugural ball. Vi responded with the inclusiveness that always, and does still, distinguish her. "Be who you are." - she says to each of her family and to us. "Be happy, enjoy what you earn, reflect on your efforts, remember 'Got have it so'".
Let us now celebrate the life of this remarkable woman, Violetta Stasney LaGrave - knowing her has made our lives so much richer, encountering her has made life's passage so much easier for so many whom she helped.
God bless you Vi. Thank you for your life in service, thank you for your family and their contributions, thank you for your enthusiasm and your love.