EULOGY - LARRY MAURICE LAGRAVE (1943-2007)
JAMES REED
Friend
Chairman, Communications Department
Glendale Community College
Glendale, AZ
November 9, 2007
Friend
Chairman, Communications Department
Glendale Community College
Glendale, AZ
November 9, 2007
We begin this Veterans’ weekend with a celebration of a most uncommon man - a tremendous human being. Larry LaGrave lived his life as an officer in the U.S. Army, a committed family man, a loving brother, a devoted husband, and a challenging college professor. I’ve learned more about Larry in the last couple of days than during the last sixteen years - and frankly my head’s spinning a bit. I knew he involved himself in speech and drama in high school, but I never heard about his days as center on the high school football team or his medals in wrestling and, of course, in the heavyweight division. Yes, I have his Masters of Fine Arts diploma from Ohio University in our files at school, but he never felt it necessary to tell me about his other masters in Business Management, or that he graduated from the Command and General Staff College at Fort Leavenworth. He must have thought adding those to his dossier might be a little much. And yes, he talked about his days in Nam and his time in Germany, but I can’t remember one word about any of the medals you’ll find listed today. You see, Larry touched those who knew him another way. And I can find no better method to talk about this complex man than through the stories shared over the past few days.
True, Larry served his country. However, what kind of medal could you receive for sitting down with an enlisted soldier and his wife at he wife’s request. And when Officer LaGrave asks the couple what they want to discuss, the wife simply says, “I want you to order him to do better in bed.” Puzzled - Larry asks why she would make such a request and she simply answers, “Because he’ll do anything you order him to do.” And he did, after Larry also encouraged some much needed counseling. Thanks, Pam.
Larry knew what it took to make a marriage work, after all, he taught interpersonal communication. And that’s why he told Mona that if she would marry him, he would always cook for her. Larry told me though that he married her for those beautiful oak bookcases, and yes, he began filling them with his books as soon as the deal was done. I learned from Mona yesterday, that she married him for his set of Calphalon pans. Yes, Larry knew his way around the kitchen and spent a great deal of time creating many of his own recipes - and these will move on to the next generation. Mona related to me how she even enjoyed the tasty mistakes Larry would make - even those years of getting the ribs “just right”.
The animals loved Larry’s cooking too. Larry always thought they liked him, but anyone who ever ate with Larry knew what a trail of food he could leave under his chair or in front of the sofa. In actuality, the little creatures crowded around him, probably more for the crumbs that continually fell from his lips than the warm hugs he constantly gave them. I so wish he had brought a puppy along to Carol’s office where mornings after his class he would sit and talk - and eat cookies. And leave a doughy trail as he told stories to Carol - I couldn’t pry any of these from her for today - sorry. (Oh yes, I found out yesterday that Larry’s been telling Mona for some time the cookies were for the Department. )
During the past 17 years, we’ve grown to love Larry. Even though he had heart problems, diabetes, and those short naps he termed sleep apnea, he continued to teach. And his students loved him - some are here today. You need to know that his greatest joy was seeing a couple of you in the mall and saying “Hi”. Mona told me that he was even proud one evening to see one of his students, Big Bird, I remember him on the news as one of Joe Arpaio’s newest tent city occupants. Mona told me that the semesters Larry taught at GCC, that’s when he was the happiest. He’d be up at 4:00 in the morning reading the paper, drinking his coffee, and of course enjoying his first cigarettes of the day. He really didn’t want Mona to know that he smoked, but kept forgetting to hide the ashtrays. (Now here’s where he sold ALL of us pretty short.)
Then he’d climb into his pickup and off to school he’d go. I didn’t know this, but he always carried a copy of the U.S. Constitution in his briefcase. Recently a student declared that her constitutional rights were being violated. I’m not sure of the supposed violation, but I am sure that Larry took great joy in pulling that document from his case and asking her “Where?” After both of them scoured the document for 10-15 minutes, she admitted “I guess it’s not there.” Mona laughed and shared, “I know that’s why Larry’s been carrying that thing around with him all these years.”
What Larry really excelled at was being a Dad. He loved the concept of family and proved his love through his actions. His son, Mike, told me that if there was a game, his Dad was there. If there was a trail, his Dad thought they should all hike - they’d begin at 4:00 in the morning. He was a fantastic football coach - and that may be where he inherited some of that gravelly voice - well a little bit of it. Mike does a phenomenal vocal impression of Larry, barking out orders to the kids. I hope to hear it a few more times before the day ends. Well, jump they did. Several have served in recent conflicts and Larry has had the honor of pinning well-earned ranks to their breasts. They always knew they were loved. To that extent they are all here today - and it took some doing on each of their parts.
As we sat around the living room last night, we all came to the conclusion that Larry was really the modern man - I mean hiding behind that cloak of conservatism we find a man who thought the world of his gay brother, had three marriages, step kids, adopted kids, natural kinds - and everyone having fun and loving each other. But on the other hand, there’s that NRA sticker on the pickup and his reaction to a deep secret that Mona shared a while ago - she told Larry she’s always been a Democrat and will always be a Democrat. As he shook his head, he looked at her and in all seriousness and said, “Mona, I don’t think I’d have married you if I’d known that.” Larry, you were indeed a complex man.
Well, your pickup sits silent in the garage, your office - that park table south of HTA - is now empty, and the contents of your briefcase has found other eyes. You will, however my friend, remain alive in our hearts and our memories as you continue on with your journey.
True, Larry served his country. However, what kind of medal could you receive for sitting down with an enlisted soldier and his wife at he wife’s request. And when Officer LaGrave asks the couple what they want to discuss, the wife simply says, “I want you to order him to do better in bed.” Puzzled - Larry asks why she would make such a request and she simply answers, “Because he’ll do anything you order him to do.” And he did, after Larry also encouraged some much needed counseling. Thanks, Pam.
Larry knew what it took to make a marriage work, after all, he taught interpersonal communication. And that’s why he told Mona that if she would marry him, he would always cook for her. Larry told me though that he married her for those beautiful oak bookcases, and yes, he began filling them with his books as soon as the deal was done. I learned from Mona yesterday, that she married him for his set of Calphalon pans. Yes, Larry knew his way around the kitchen and spent a great deal of time creating many of his own recipes - and these will move on to the next generation. Mona related to me how she even enjoyed the tasty mistakes Larry would make - even those years of getting the ribs “just right”.
The animals loved Larry’s cooking too. Larry always thought they liked him, but anyone who ever ate with Larry knew what a trail of food he could leave under his chair or in front of the sofa. In actuality, the little creatures crowded around him, probably more for the crumbs that continually fell from his lips than the warm hugs he constantly gave them. I so wish he had brought a puppy along to Carol’s office where mornings after his class he would sit and talk - and eat cookies. And leave a doughy trail as he told stories to Carol - I couldn’t pry any of these from her for today - sorry. (Oh yes, I found out yesterday that Larry’s been telling Mona for some time the cookies were for the Department. )
During the past 17 years, we’ve grown to love Larry. Even though he had heart problems, diabetes, and those short naps he termed sleep apnea, he continued to teach. And his students loved him - some are here today. You need to know that his greatest joy was seeing a couple of you in the mall and saying “Hi”. Mona told me that he was even proud one evening to see one of his students, Big Bird, I remember him on the news as one of Joe Arpaio’s newest tent city occupants. Mona told me that the semesters Larry taught at GCC, that’s when he was the happiest. He’d be up at 4:00 in the morning reading the paper, drinking his coffee, and of course enjoying his first cigarettes of the day. He really didn’t want Mona to know that he smoked, but kept forgetting to hide the ashtrays. (Now here’s where he sold ALL of us pretty short.)
Then he’d climb into his pickup and off to school he’d go. I didn’t know this, but he always carried a copy of the U.S. Constitution in his briefcase. Recently a student declared that her constitutional rights were being violated. I’m not sure of the supposed violation, but I am sure that Larry took great joy in pulling that document from his case and asking her “Where?” After both of them scoured the document for 10-15 minutes, she admitted “I guess it’s not there.” Mona laughed and shared, “I know that’s why Larry’s been carrying that thing around with him all these years.”
What Larry really excelled at was being a Dad. He loved the concept of family and proved his love through his actions. His son, Mike, told me that if there was a game, his Dad was there. If there was a trail, his Dad thought they should all hike - they’d begin at 4:00 in the morning. He was a fantastic football coach - and that may be where he inherited some of that gravelly voice - well a little bit of it. Mike does a phenomenal vocal impression of Larry, barking out orders to the kids. I hope to hear it a few more times before the day ends. Well, jump they did. Several have served in recent conflicts and Larry has had the honor of pinning well-earned ranks to their breasts. They always knew they were loved. To that extent they are all here today - and it took some doing on each of their parts.
As we sat around the living room last night, we all came to the conclusion that Larry was really the modern man - I mean hiding behind that cloak of conservatism we find a man who thought the world of his gay brother, had three marriages, step kids, adopted kids, natural kinds - and everyone having fun and loving each other. But on the other hand, there’s that NRA sticker on the pickup and his reaction to a deep secret that Mona shared a while ago - she told Larry she’s always been a Democrat and will always be a Democrat. As he shook his head, he looked at her and in all seriousness and said, “Mona, I don’t think I’d have married you if I’d known that.” Larry, you were indeed a complex man.
Well, your pickup sits silent in the garage, your office - that park table south of HTA - is now empty, and the contents of your briefcase has found other eyes. You will, however my friend, remain alive in our hearts and our memories as you continue on with your journey.